Domestic Violence Resource Center - Taylorsville, NC

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Domestic Violence is any type of abuse that occurs; emotional, physical, sexual or economic.

Emotional/psychological abuse is often more severe than the physical abuse a victim suffers. The abusive partner wishes to dominate and control the victim, and uses any means necessary to force their demands. The abuser generally threatens the victim and makes the victim fear for their lives and the lives of their children. The victim often stays because the abuser threatens to kill the victim if he or she threatens to leave.

The covenant of Christian marriage is a life-long commitment witnessed by God, designed to be a mutual giving of self to the other, which values respect and equality between partners. It can be dishonored by either partner when violence or abuse fractures the relationship and breaks the trust. Neither partner should be expected to remain in an abusive situation.

Often, one partner feels obligated to remain and do everything possible to make the marriage work; however, responsibility for the abuse rests with the one who is abusive. A public acknowledgement of the abuse, such as marriage or pastoral counseling, is one step towards taking responsibility. If the one who is being abusive is not willing or able to change, then the question of separation and divorce arises. Removing oneself from a volatile situation is of utmost importance. In violent homes, divorce is not breaking up families. Violence and abuse are breaking up families.

The chart below outlines the cycle of violence in relationships.

Cycle of Violence
Incident	Any type of abuse that occurs - emotional, physical, sexual, economic
Reconciliation	Abuser apologizes for abuse Promises it will never happen again Blames victim for provoking abuse Denies abuse took place Gift giving by abuser
Calm	Incident is forgotten No abuse is taking place Some promises made during reconciliation are being met Hope of the part of the victim that the abuse is over
Tension Building	Tension starts to build Minor incidents begin Breakdown of communication Victim feels the need to give in to the abuser Tension becomes unbearable
Incident	Cycle of abuse begins again
The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the reconciliation and calm stages may disappear.

Take the QUIZ - How is your relationship? DOES YOUR PARTNER:
?	Embarrass you with bad names and put-downs?
?	Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
?	Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?
?	Stop you from seeing or talking to friends or family?
?	Take your money or Social Security, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?
?	Make all the decisions?
?	Tell you you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
?	Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault, or even deny doing it?
?	Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
?	Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
?	Shove you, slap you or hit you?
?	Force you to drop charges?
?	Threaten to commit suicide?
?	Threaten to kill you?
If you check even one of the above, you may be in an abusive relationship. 24 Hour Crisis Line: 828-635-8881

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Power & Control by an abuser can be manifested in these ways and can have an end result of domestic violence.

Using Coercion and threats:

Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her
Threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare
Making her drop charges
Making her do illegal things

Using Intimidation:

Making her afraid by using
looks, actions, gestures
Smashing things,
destroying her property
Abusing pets
Displaying weapons

Using Emotional Abuse:

Putting her down, calling her names
Making her feel bad about herself
Making her think she's crazy
Playing mind games
Humiliating her, making her feel guilty

Using Isolation:

Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes
Limiting her outside involvement
Using jealously to justify actions

Using Economic Abuse:

Preventing her from getting or keeping a job
Making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money
Not letting her know about or have access to family income

Using Male Privilege:

Treating her like a servant
Making all the big decisions
Acting like the "master of the castle"
Being the one to define men's and women's roles

Using Children:

Making her feel guilty about the children
Using the children to relay messages
Using visitation to harass her
Threatening to take the children away

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming:

Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously
Saying the abuse didn't happen
Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it

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Domestic Violence Resource Center
Post Office Box 652 - Taylorsville, NC 28681
Supporting victims in Alexander County
Office: 828-635-8850